Avoid the Vague, Weak and Simply Unnecessary - CTRL+F is Your Editing Friend Part 2

Using CTRL+F during your editing phase can help strengthen your writing. Certain words and phrases can alert us to possible problems (like “show, don’t tell" which we discussed previously,) and finding them can be as easy as typing a word or two into the find function on your word processor!

Not every instance of each of these words or phrases needs to be changed, but we should be making informed decisions in order to have the prettiest prose we can. Some examples of leaving them be could include the rhythm of the writing, the pacing of the scene, or if it’s found in dialogue.

This post includes some red flags for when we’re using vague, weak or completely unnecessary words. While leaving some room for interpretation in our writing can be good, not every vague moment is an effective one. And some words add no actual meaning, we’re just used to using them in speech, but spoken and written word require different things. With each CTRL+F suggestion, I’ve included some examples with a fix or two to create a more compelling statement.

Name It

(Thing, stuff, It)

If you can find a noun to fill its place, do it. The more information we give the reader the better; even if we’re still being coy about an object's true identity. We don’t have to come out and tell the reader (or characters) what is there, but there are words we can use to give more information than “thing” or “stuff.” And “it” can become a problem when the object isn’t clear from context. (There is an obvious exception to this when the object has been mentioned and it is clear you are referencing that object.)

Example 1

The thing was covered in black, sticky stuff. VS The shelf was covered in black, sticky goo. OR The shelf oozed with black sludge.

Of course, we’re looking at this sentence in a vacuum, so it’s possible the context for “thing” was there, but I’d argue it’s often better to be specific. Or if it’s clear “it” might be more appropriate.

With that out of the way let’s look at the star of the show: the black, sticky stuff. "Stuff" adds no context to the black stickiness, while a word like goo or sludge does. An easy way to examine this is to think about how those two words themselves influence what you imagine. When I think of goo I think of a thick transparent or translucent fluid. When I think of sludge I think of a thick, opaque fluid with texture or inclusions. When I think about stuff? I don’t know what to think.

In the second fix, I’ve changed the verb. Now, if the “stuff” isn’t moving, oozed doesn’t really work here, but I wanted to point out that a stronger verb may allow fewer adjectives or adverbs which we’ll talk about soon.

Example 2

Red stuff pooled from beneath the door. VS A red puddle/pool had formed beneath the door. OR Red seeped from beneath the door.

I want to dissuade you from using liquid in this case. It is clear from the action and state of the red “stuff” that it is a liquid so it adds just as little information as the word stuff (though I suppose it sounds cleaner.) My personal favourite is to make “red” the subject like in the second example. Now, to be fair, it isn’t unclear what kind of substance this is due to the word “stuff” but, and maybe you don’t agree, it reads clearer and more concisely.

You always have the option of words like substance and liquid but depending on the instance, these can come off as just as vague as thing or stuff. Just be mindful your changes are making things better and not just “big word looks smarter.” The key is to use a word that conveys some of the information the adjectives/ adverbs are already conveying.

Speaking of adjectives and adverbs…

Adverbs

(-ly)

Adverbs are a part of language, yes. They are necessary, yes. But they are not always used effectively. The biggest issue is that the adverb doesn’t add any new information and the second main problem is that there’s a stronger verb that exists to replace the adverb/verb pair.

As writers, we are constantly optimizing our words. Long, complicated prose isn’t bad, but we really want each word to count. Forget the techniques you used in school to fluff your writing to hit a word count; we want efficient writing (keeping in mind voice, tension, pacing and rhythm of course.)

Example 1

The boxes loudly fell to the ground. VS The boxes crashed to the floor. OR As the boxes fell, they clanged against every surface; the sound of jostling inside had everyone holding their breath.

“Loudly fell” has so many synonyms! Crashed, clanged, thumped, exploded, thudded, clamoured. And the best part is each of these adds even more information. A clang evokes glass or metal sounds while a thud sounds more solid and subdued indicating the boxes are heavy and dense.

Example 2

“Over here,” the voice whispered quietly. VS “Over here,” the voice whispered. OR “Over here,” the voice rasped. OR (if you really need an adverb) “Over here,” the voice whispered melodically.

Whispers are already quiet! If you’re using an adverb, it should be an added quality that doesn’t have a synonym. A whisper doesn’t have to be melodic, so that adds to the sensation.

“Well what if they whispered loudly? That’s the opposite, can I use that?” No. Rasped exists. Now, obviously I don’t actually mean no. You can do whatever you want, but I do believe your writing will be better if you choose a synonym to your verb/adverb pairings.

This is a great time to discuss dialogue tags…

(too many) Dialogue Tags

(said, yelled, whispered…)

Dialogue tags themselves aren’t the enemy; it’s an oversaturation of them that causes problems. This is a difficult one to parse because you can’t diagnose the problem in a vacuum. A single dialogue tag is fine, but when every line of dialogue has one it can be fatiguing to the reader and pull them out of the immersion of the text. There are two fixes which we’ll look at below.

Example 1

“I’m going to the store, do you need anything?” Jesse hollered.

“We need milk!” Chip answered.

VS.

“I’m going to the store, do you need anything?” Jesse hollered.

“We need milk!” 

Simply remove the tags (or at least some of them.)

There are two things I’d like to draw your attention to. One, outside the vacuum, there’s context Jesse was talking to Chip. Two, notice which tag I removed. Consider why? 

Did you say it’s because it’s clear the second line is an answer to the first question? You’re right, but there's also a reason I left hollered. That gives a quality to what is being said. Even in the vacuum we get the sense that Jesse and Chip are far away from each other during this conversation.

This leads us to another important discussion about types of dialogue tags. I'll be brief here, but if you want more be sure to let me know! When using dialogue tags we want most of them to appear invisible, most suggest sticking to 3 to 5 words for 90% of them: said(90% of these!) yelled (or shouted,) whispered, replied (or answered) and asked. Spicing it up with a hollered or beckoned or chimed every so often, when it really makes a difference, is great, but all the time and they start to stand out to the reader too much.

Okay, second option to avoid too many dialogue tags…

Example 2

“I might love her,” Michael said.

“Well, what are you gonna do about it?” Max coaxed.

“I don’t know,” Michael replied.

VS

“I might love her,” Michael said.

“Well, what are you gonna do about it?” 

“I don’t know.” Michael rested his head in his hands.

Action tags. Adding movement and interaction during dialogue can boost the scene to new levels. We hardly ever stand or sit entirely still during a conversation. We fidget, make faces, pour drinks, keep walking, stand to leave, sit to stay, point to offer a cup of tea, laugh, blush, cry… Add some interest and dimension to the dialogue scene by continuing to describe what's happening beyond the talking. 

The Conjunction That Doesn’t Matter

(That)

 “That” isn’t always a conjunction, and it does obviously serve a purpose in writing, but often when it takes the form of a conjunction it can be removed and not change the sentence. It’s fine as a determiner or maybe a relative or demonstrative pronoun (though we may get into the “name it” issue again.) This article does a great job of explaining the uses of “that” and their part of speech.

It’s much easier to understand when we see this in action so let’s jump to our examples.

Example 1

Can you believe that she kissed him? VS Can you believe she kissed him?

There’s no change. It's the same sentence just without “that.” It’s such a silly word! This comes down to style but in most cases I would make the suggestion to strike “that.” In dialogue I would suggest the opposite! Or in a voicy, first-person POV it might work better. We do say "that" a lot in these situations, it’s simply cleaner not to write it. Consider voice, rhythm and pacing when making your decisions about removing “that.”

Example 2

I don’t think that many people enjoyed Domino’s performance. VS I don’t think many people enjoyed Domino’s performance.  

Be careful here! This “that” might not be a conjunction but an adverb. Be sure you aren’t changing the meaning of the sentence by removing it. To find out, ask yourself if this is saying “I don't think as many people as you’re suggesting enjoyed it” or "I think few people enjoyed it.” In a vacuum it’s hard to say, and in some circumstances it may not matter, but it’s important to be aware that changes are meant to increase clarity while not changing meaning.

Order of Operations

(Then, Next, After )

We’re not writing a how-to; context tells us the order of operations. Broken record over here: not every instance is bad. Sometimes we do need time-based context added. “Then” is probably the biggest culprit in this category of problematic words. There’s usually an easy fix of turning things into lists and/or using “and.” We can imply causality without the basic “This happened. Next this happened. Then this happened. After that this happened,” stream of thought.

Example 1

While running for the bus I tripped and fell then watched the bus leave the station. VS While running for the bus I tripped, fell and watched the bus drive off. OR My race to the bus stop ended when I tripped and fell. I sat defeated watching the bus pull away from the station.

With these changes we’ve added more emotion to the scene. Rather than a simple order of events, we feel the abruptness of the fall and the emotion of the consequences. We could jazz this up further with a little more showing versus telling in our characters “defeat” but I like the pacing here. 

Example 2

First Jenny entered the restaurant and sat beside Barb. Then came Ron who sauntered to the other side of the table to avoid the two women. Next Helen entered. VS The guests slowly entered the restaurant and found their seats. Jenny sat beside Barb. When Ron showed up he put as much room between him and the ladies as possible. Helen was confused by the space when she showed up later.

The first set of sentences feels very amateur; it reads like a child’s writing. And I don’t mean this in a condescending way! It’s perfectly fine grammar-wise. It’s the first way we’re taught to write! But now is the time to spruce things up, depart from our early teachings and move from beginners to experienced writers! These particular changes switch up the construction of the sentences making things a little more dynamic.

Conclusions of the vague, weak and unnecessary.

Searching and assessing the uses of these words in your text will help start you on the path to a tighter manuscript. The big take away is if it can be cut, it should be cut. That means if it doesn’t affect meaning, clarity or flow cut ✂️ it 👉 out 👍. (Anyone get this? Is this a reference just for me?) 

With each search consider if the change is necessary. You want to think about pacing, tension, impact, and rhythm. In none of these examples is it an absolute rule that you must remove the offending word or phrase; they are simply words and phrases to consider.

Let me know if using CTRL+F has helped you tighten your manuscript and if this list helped identify some vague, weak or simply unnecessary pieces of prose in your manuscript!

These are not the only instances where CTRL+F can be your friend. In fact this is part 2 of 3 so stay tuned to find out what you should be searching for in regards to hedging and check out this post on showing versus telling.

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Jerrica is a writer and editor who inspires up-and-coming writers to create compelling fiction and creative nonfiction works while providing them with the confidence to do it themselves or ask for a helping hand when they need it. She enjoys speculative fiction, horror and gut-wrenching emotion with a side of food & drink and the cozier things in life.