“Show, Don’t Tell” Examples and Signposts: CTRL+F is Your Friend - Part One

Using CTRL+F during your editing phase can be super helpful in strengthening your writing. Certain words and phrases can alert us to possible problems, and finding them can be as easy as typing a word or two into the find function on your word processor!

To be clear, not every instance of each of these words or phrases needs to be changed; they are just good places to examine and make informed decisions about leaving them in or not. Some examples of leaving them be could include the rhythm of the writing, the pacing of the scene, or if it’s found in dialogue.

“Show don’t tell,” is maybe one of the most ubiquitous writing rules. There is nuance to this, like all things (and I’ll do a whole other post on that sometime, I’m sure) but for the purposes of this post, we’re going to look at some of the signposts that we’re not just showing things happen; we’re telling the reader they happened. With each CTRL+F suggestion, I’ve included some show don’t tell examples with a fix or two to create a more compelling statement.

Let Action Just Happen

(Started to, began to, starts, begins)

Often context does a lot of heavy lifting in letting the reader know that something is beginning. Using the words started to or began to are usually unnecessary and immediately switch things into a show rather than tell format. 

Example 1

It started to rain. VS It’s raining. OR It rained. OR The first drops of rain hit my face.

See how context can strengthen your prose. The third option is so much more compelling than the original (or even the first and second options.) And it says the same thing, “first” stands in as “started to.” 

Example 2

Larry began to run from the masked man. VS Larry ran from the masked man OR Larry darted away from the masked man. OR (simply) Larry ran.

In this example we’re in what I can only assume is a high stakes, high energy, high panic situation. Why slow the sentence down with these extra words? I can assure you that if Larry wasn't running in the last sentence, the reader will know that he is beginning his flight now. Depending on how much you want to add to the franticness of the scene, the even shorter option “Larry ran,” can be used. If “the masked man” was already there, and it’s clear Larry is scared and wants to get away, a few choppy sentences may be in order.

Action Over Being

(I, she, he, they, we… was, is, are, were, being, been, am…)

Obviously “to be” verbs are a necessary tool, but they can also indicate that rather than the current adjective, a strong verb could be used. This is often a problem when we’re describing a feeling and less so when we’re talking about someone’s career or relationship. “Louise was sad,” could be more aptly described through how she is showing her sadness; where “Suzy is a doctor,” or “He is Jenny’s brother”, is probably fine (always depending on context.) 

Another sign these “to be” verbs might signal is the passive voice. While not always a problem, assessing if passive voice works in context and intent is helpful. 

Example 1

I was angry. VS Steam came out of my ears. OR My fists clenched so hard they left nail marks in my palm. OR Through clenched teeth I muttered, “Fine.”

The statement, “I was angry,” doesn’t hold as much energy as these fixes. It’s too easy to read this as deadpan (which, if that’s what you’re going for is totally fine!) Showing the action that would tell others around the character they’re angry is far more powerful. 

Example 2

The gun was shot by Freddy. VS Freddy shot the gun. OR Freddy pulled the trigger sending a bullet straight into Sandra’s chest.

Passive versus active voice is a nuanced conversation. The example sentence may be the correct use for certain circumstances. It puts emphasis on the gun rather than the shooter, and it slows the pacing; the fixes put the emphasis on the shooter and adds drama. The first fix also quickens the pacing. Consider if this sentence sits in the action or if it’s from a reflective perspective. How important is it that Freddy was the shooter versus the fact that it was a gun shot versus an arrow or a knife?

Through the Character

(felt, saw, heard, smelled)

Filtering the senses through words like saw, felt, and heard distances your reader from the story you’re telling. The stronger option is to just let the character, and therefore the reader, see, feel and hear alongside the character. Show them how the character is feeling rather than telling them. Kathy Steinman has a super helpful blog post on filter words which is what she calls words which filter our experience through the character instead of immersing readers in the character. Phrases like “she felt,” “I saw,” “they heard,” and, “I realized,” all fall into this category. 

Example 1

I saw a squirrel run by. VS A squirrel ran by. OR A squirrel scampered by. 

See how this gives the moment more immediacy, more immersion? Rather than seeing through the frame of the characters eyes you see it through your own mind’s eye. It's subtle, but the distance, or lack thereof, can make all the difference. Also notice the difference in verb usage between the two fixes. Of course they offer a different vibe, and you’d have to choose the right one (consider dashed, flashed, limped, rolled…) There’s nothing inherently wrong with “ran,” but there may be a better option.

Example 2

She heard the church bells in the distance. VS The church bells clanged in the distance. OR The church bells chimed, alerting her to the beginning of the ceremony.

Again, we get more immersion. Rather than knowing this character heard the bells, we hear them ourselves. It’s more important to note that the character doesn’t hear them; otherwise, it’s pretty well understood that if we’re hearing (or seeing, smelling, etc) so is the character. (With special exceptions of HoH/ Deaf characters or those with sudden/temporary hearing loss of course.)

Past Tense Verbs Exist

(There was/were)

Let things exist (just like we let them just happen.) It will almost always be stronger to say the thing is there or the thing is doing the thing. Using “there was” creates the same distance as filter words and to-be verbs. Now, of course, if “there was” and now “there isn’t” perhaps it’s a good time to use it. 

Example 1

There was a man crouching by the car. VS A man crouched by the car. OR A man crouched in waiting while Sandy passed the car.

Say it with me: immersion and immediacy. This is a case that is very similar to a filter word; it could easily be “I saw a man crouching by the car.” And they have very similar effects on the readers: distance. Give some significance to this man and situation, because clearly there is some or you wouldn’t have mentioned him. 

Example 2

There were stars in the night sky. VS Stars lit up the night sky. 

This adds a little extra drama. Rather than the stars simply existing, they come alive as they “light up the sky” or perhaps “twinkle in the unfathomable distance.” It depends exactly how much drama you need from this sky scene. The use of “there were” makes me, as the reader, think “so what?” It's not particularly logical why, but the distance seems to leave room to care less. When you turn them from existing to acting the stars become part of the scene instead of background noise.

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Conclusions of CTRL+F and the Show, Don't Tell Writing Rule

Searching and assessing the uses of these words in your text will help start you on the path to a tighter manuscript. The big take away is to let things happen rather than telling the reader they’re happening; it’s a subtle but impactful difference. 

With each search consider if the change is necessary. You want to think about pacing, tension, impact, and rhythm. In none of these examples is it an absolute rule that you must remove the offending word or phrase; they are simply easily searchable signposts for your consideration.

Let me know if using CTRL+F has helped you tighten your manuscript and if this list helped clarify any “show, don’t tell,” thoughts you’ve struggled with in the past!

These are not the only instances where CTRL+F can be your friend. In fact this is part 1 of 3 so stay tuned to find out what you should be searching for in regards to hedging and vagueness, weakness & the simply unnecessary.

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Jerrica is a writer and editor who inspires up-and-coming writers to create compelling fiction and creative nonfiction works while providing them with the confidence to do it themselves or ask for a helping hand when they need it. She enjoys speculative fiction, horror and gut-wrenching emotion with a side of food & drink and the cozier things in life.