Editing Portfolio

This is a sample of editing suggestions and an editorial letter. You can watch the whole process of this one on YouTube if you are interested. I have made some changes to the wording of my suggestions to align closer to my current professional editing style; as this was a project for myself and during a live stream for entertainment, I was sometimes a little harsher with my word choice.

Edit type: Both stylistic and developmental edits were suggested

Goals: Ensure the story is clear and strengthen prose style and resonance

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Sample Edits

Note: not every suggestion for every passage is shared.

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Example 1 to 3 

The original writing:

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Smashed, streaked across the highway. Streaks of white and yellow, faded pink. Petals blow about on the growing wind. The first drops of rain begin to fall. The stain smudges, it fades, it trickles away, but the memory persists, the memory is permanent.

The memory of the dress. Long and luxurious. Strapless. Beaded corset. The memory of the ring. Golden band, pear cut diamond. Small, demure, beautiful. The memory of the man…

My comments:

Consider striking “begin to” and just let the rain fall, especially because you call them the first drops. First does the same work as begin. Best practices suggest avoiding begin to, start to, and suggest allowing things to just start. 

In addition you could choose to make this more dramatic/descriptive.

Suggestion: The first drops patter around me.

This paragraph has both a lot and not enough going on. I found it felt fragmented and surface level. My suggestion is to expand this paragraph into two. One can focus on the cake and the smudge (and perhaps make it clear it’s cake). The second can focus on the weather. This will improve the pacing. It is clear to me that you want to drag this part of the story out, but I think there is a better way to accomplish that tension.

While you, the author, know that this story will cover 3 time perspectives, your reader does not. If we jump right into a memory after “the memory persists” I think that would be stronger. The staccato list of items doesn’t feel like the right way to draw out this moment. I think leading into the memory will suffice in building the tension for the reveal of what is happening in this first scene. The immediate memory of the wedding isn't nearly as compelling as the coffee shop one. Plus, it means you can wait to reveal it’s a wedding until the proposal. The reader will then start to put the dots together themselves.

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Example 4

The original writing:

My heart jumped into my throat, and my stomach filled with butterflies. We already lived together; there was only one logical question. I was so nervous, I almost couldn’t contain myself.

My comment:

The first and last line are doing the same work and the former is the stronger version. It’s generally best to show emotion rather than tell it (stomach butterflies vs I was nervous). The first line is two cliches, and so I think there’s an opportunity to deepen this emotion. Show the lack of containment, dig deeper into the anxious feeling.

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Example 5

The original writing:

Her eyebrows drew together as if pained by some recollection. “I’m so sorry, dear.” I break into tears. I don’t hear what she says next. 

My comment:

Consider adding a bit more action to this moment. This will help increase tension and stand in contrast to the MC’s anxiety. Allow the nurse to be slow. Examples: pull up a chair, grab MC’s hand. This is difficult for the nurse as well as our MC, and she has to proceed with caution.

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Editorial Note

Hello Author,

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I really enjoyed reading through and working with your short story, “The Wedding Cake in the Middle of the Road.” The decision to flip between three time POVs and tenses was interesting, especially taking into account the final future tense one. This added a really interesting look at the characterization of the main character. I do think there are a lot of opportunities to strengthen your piece which you can see in my suggestions. But here is a quick rundown of what I see.

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Firstly, there are some big picture aspects I want to bring to your attention which will affect a significant part of the story. The first one has to do with where and how the car accident happens. I think the story would make more sense if they were walking with the cake and were hit by a car. Them being ejected from a car along with their cake after their reception just doesn’t entirely add up to me. My suggestion is to rewrite this as if they are carrying the leftovers of their cake into their staycation air b’n’b. But I think this can be worked around if you feel strongly about how it happens, it was just something I noted.

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Secondly, though a bit smaller in scope, I think there’s an opportunity to tighten and clarify the engagement scene. There are a few unnecessary clauses and a lack of clarity around physical space. There’s also an opportunity to dig deeper into the emotions and make them more specific to this character and situation.

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I also have a technical, full-manuscript suggestion, since you are shifting timelines, I would double check and make decisions about tenses. This will create more clarity for the reader to decipher when things are happening. A copy edit can ensure these are executed perfectly.

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As far as smaller recurring errors, I found a lot of opportunities for you to do a bit more showing instead of telling. Some of these suggestions will also help with pacing and emotionality. This story has great potential to be a soul crushing tragedy, so don’t be afraid to dig a little deeper. 

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Please read through my comments, and let me know if you have any questions. I look forward to seeing the next iteration.

Best,

Editor